You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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