Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
