tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
