can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
