so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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