You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
