So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize