I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
