How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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