even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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