She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
