Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's never too late to be topless.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
