dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
