Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
