I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
