I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
