I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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