the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
