You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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