So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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