:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
