You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
