You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have fence marks all over my body
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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