I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
