i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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