he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
