I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize