I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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