You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
