Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize