Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
