I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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