I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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