Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
