the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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