someone get that fucking seahorse.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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