Got a toothbrush?
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
