This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
