i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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