whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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