Joe is yelling at the trees again.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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