Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
