Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
