Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
