So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
