I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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