New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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