Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize