Already got asked if we're dating
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
