Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
