I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
