So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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