just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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