So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
