i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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