from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
