At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
