You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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