Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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