I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
