I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
