You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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