"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
