If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
