So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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