Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
