just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
