I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
