whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
