I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize