My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
