I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
