That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize