Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
