mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
