I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
