We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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