I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
