Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
