How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
