What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
