the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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