were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
