Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize