I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
