Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
