didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
