Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
