dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
