Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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