can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
