I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
