I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
