Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
